Diagnosis: Terminal Disease
WHY... GOD?
The confirmed diagnosis of any terminal disease bring to mind many questions. It does not matter if you or a loved one are being diagnosed. It pierces the heart and immediately raise our hearts to the Creator God with questions. Many individuals who have not spoken to God in many years, find themselves whispering in their hearts: Why God?
During my own prolonged physical disposition I have moved through various stages.
Ignoring
It started with ignoring the diagnosis and working out my own solutions to keep up the momentum of my life and career... This did not work, as my body could not provide the support to perform my decisions.
Rationalizing
Then followed the rationalizing phase. “Is this really happening to me?”… “What caused this diagnosis to befall me?”… “This will go away sometime, I must just keep on moving forward”… “God is good: he shall heal me, I must just believe”...
Loss of possessions
Because of my physical disposition, loss of energy and inability to earn, I started to loose many of my possessions, including the house that I built.
Reproach
Having been the Victor Ludorum Sportsman at school, and won various awards thereafter, I studied and worked double time… I was an achiever, living in a good suburb driving good cars… and class president of my MBA class at the graduate school of business. Suddenly it seemed like I was not able to do anything. I was weak, poor and seemed lax. The diagnosis just served to confirm the symptoms I’ve been experiencing for months already.
It started with hints and well worded questions from colleagues, friends and family. It built up to a storm of reproach and finally grew into direct insults and accusations. I was called "lazy", a "no gooder"… a "whimp”.
Religious individuals used the Word of God to cut me down and explain to me that I was not living up to God’s expectations. "God is good. He wants to bless you. But you are not living up to your side of the bargain!”
My best friends started to cut away from me. Some turned their backs on me and those who were my business associates started to move against me to cut me off from the fruits of my contribution to joint business ventures.
Anger – grief
Anger, mixed with grief started to set in, but believing that a follower of Jesus should contain his anger, I suppressed it… resulting in deep depression.
I believe that there is a divine purpose with my life. So if Father God did not change my circumstances, based on the fact that His Son, Jesus had already paid the full price for my healing. Then I needed to live with this diagnosis, submitting under God's ’heavy hand’.
I believe that Father God has the ultimate control over my life, because I have surrendered it to His Son, Jesus. If He allowed this disease in me, there had to be a good eternal reason. I was angry, but did not allow myself to see that this was anger toward God for allowing the disease.
During this phase I realized that the difference between depression and submission under God’s hand (His Purpose) is very little. The reaction of helplessness and weakness, almost hopelessness, is experienced in the same way by our body and soul. “Hope deferred sickens the soul”.
I often found myself expressing and releasing the emotions through “moaning-and-groaning”. When expecting mothers go for birth training they are taught certain coping skills. The last-phase coping technique that they teach them, is to release the immense pain during the final moments of child labor, through “moaning and groaning”. This is a moan-like groan from your deepest human center point.
Searching for God’s Hand
Having already responded to various alter calls, I began attending the services of visiting preachers who were anointed to perform miracles and works of power. I desperately wanted to see this diagnosis reversed. I started searching for Gods hand to grab hold of me and to pluck this terrible disease and powerlessness from my body.
I sat through many anointed teachings, but the healing would not come. Yet I witnessed with my own eyes how other people were healed in the Name of Jesus in these services.
Doing For God
Then followed a phase where I started “doing” and “working” for God to “earn” the healing that I sought. I thought I had to do something to earn Gods approval… His love, mercy and healing. I thought: “Maybe the diagnosis was allowed to activate me in His service.” Up to this day, I do not know what the Kingdom value of my efforts were.
All of the above made me feel better about myself, but the healing did not come.
Physically, my family was already living in faith because I was unable to take up a regular 9 to 5 job. I did not have peace to ask anything from anyone. My silent pact with my father was, and still is, that the proof of His care will be that He provide through whatever channel or person. Father God did provide our most basic needs in various ways… mostly by instructing some of His other children to provide in one or more of our physical needs. He became my “Just-In-Time God.”
The Kingdom of God
I then decided to search for the Kingdom of God so that “all else would be added.” (Healing from the diagnosis, regular income, etc.) During this phase, I got more and more removed from the physical aspects of living in this earth. Father God worked through various people, channels and ways. He sent me books, articles and emails that started to break open some inexpressible insights into the glory and power of His Kingdom.
Simultaneously he provided me with material to understand the kingdom principles and ways of the evil kingdom.
I had now began to accepted that the diagnosis and the disease would be my companion for an unknown period of time. I became convinced that My Father allowed it to accomplished His purposes in my life. It would only stay until it had no more place to reside… until the anointing of God’s glory dissolved the ‘blanket of darkness’
that tended to smother my soul.
Knowing God
Over this period of searching and seeking, The Lord started to reveal himself to me… little by little. I started… to begin to… touch at the start of… learning how The Kingdom of Heaven works. Little by little understanding the principles that it is based on… and to build a living personal relationship with the King of Kings.
Small beginnings! The Kingdom of God is soooo B-I-G and W-I-D-E! (I understand that the word used in the Bible for “salvation” is actually a present continuous verb.)
The Mystery Of Life
I found that many life issues that were important previously… started to disappear into my past. They were no longer issues anymore. My offendability factor diminished to the point where offensive words did not hurt me anymore.
The small seed of understanding started to germinate and grow inside of me. The mystery of life. Being born into this earth, is merely our conception to life. Earth serves as the
“uterus” that we pass through until we are born into our eternal purpose in the hereafter. Here our spirit man develops and grows… to be eventually born into heaven… to live into perpetuity.
While in this life, residing on “uterus-earth”, we have the opportunity to find and see our purpose in the light of God. We have the opportunity to exercise this purpose and to grow in it... and continue in it in the hereafter. This concept is truly foreign to our fleshly minds and bodies. But if we only ask of Him… then Father God will begin to reveal it to us… to be grasped by our spirit-man.
Why The Suffering?
Ever since this earth was contaminated by sin, we have seen bad things, including the diagnosis of many terminal diseases, happening to ‘good people’. Yes, God did create evil for His own purposes. Sometimes evil decides to work through people or circumstances... causing suffering.
I do believe that God will always turn the suffering into a blessing... for His kingdom purposes and for our benefit.
When this body dies, our spirit-man will be released into our divine destiny and purpose... But, down here, in this dispensation, we shall always receive the grace required to stand in the Name of The Lord and by the power of The Blood that was shed 2000 years ago on our behalf.
If Jesus said to His disciples imitate me... And if Scripture explains the even Jesus learned obedience through suffering... In fact, he already sweat blood in that garden... even before his arrest!
Then I will stand on the truth: “His grace is enough for me”.
Conclusion
A couple of my relatives and friends received terminal diagnosis’ and without exception I noticed them drawing nearer to God. This included both my father and father-in-law who died of lung cancer. After suffering for 14 years with M.E., I personally received the diagnosis “melanoma cancer” in 2005. I received surgery and for the past three years of remission, I was declared healthy.
Could the purpose of these diagnosis’ be to learn obedience and strengthen our relationship with The Almighty God? Could this be the individual preparation required to step into our ultimate eternal destiny? A destiny and purpose that will be revealed when we arrive in the hereafter face to face with God? A divine and eternal purpose?
This topic needs to be expanded and built out with perspectives, prayer tools and teaching, including intercessory registrations. Please help us to serve terminal patients and their families with the power of the truth and the life that is vested in Jesus and Father God.
Your contributions via our “contact us” page or blog will be appreciated. Let us be instrumental to support families who hear the diagnosis malignant mesothelioma, and other terminal or chronic diseases. Let us endow them with knowledge about God and His power.
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